dear mr kerry

previously, i wrote a letter to president bush. It is only fitting john F. kerry should also receive a letter, especially considering my dissatisfaction with both candidates.

Dear Mr. Senator Kerry,

I voted for you once, which means you and Mr Bush are tied; I voted for President Bush in 2000, and have since learned my lesson. Of course, the same could be said for you. I voted for you in 2004, and have since learned my lesson.

"Anyone but Bush." Many who voted for you weren't really voting for you. They were voting against Mr. Bush. I was one of them. I was so dissatisfied with Mr. Bush that I put a sticker with your name on it on my car. Now everyone on the road makes fun of me.

My mother-in-law stopped buying Heinz ketchup thanks to your wife. Do you know how hard it is to eat a hamburger with just mustard?

Recent polls have indicated your opponent's approval ratings are extremely low. In fact, he's the first two term President since WW2 to have an approval rating under 50% at this point in his second term.

Mr. Kerry, you failed to win an election against the weakest incumbent president of my lifetime. You did the impossible: you made Democrats across the nation long for the days of Al Gore.

Before you go off and figure out how to contradict the polling data, let me finish; it gets worse. Mr. Bush's approval ratings for two "swing states" which went for Bush- Ohio: 37%, Florida: 44%. Remember how if you had won Ohio you would have been President? Yet, you were unable to garner 50% of the votes in a state where only one third of the residents approve of your opponent. Well done.

Here's how I break it down: you're not a flipflopper. You're a complete nincompoop. People weren't crazy about Mr. Bush, but at least he was a nincompoop with whom they were familiar. You made the presidential election the equivalent of America going to the movies and being forced to choose between "From Justin To Kelly" or "Gigli." Either choice is going to suck, but one can hope the concession stand sells booze.

Mr. Kerry, please don't run for President again. And pass the word across the aisle to your colleague from NY. History has not been kind to the second President from the same family.

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