wisconsin, part 3

rubber ducky, you're the one

wisconsin, part 2

I spent last weekend in Wisconsin Dells. I've been there before. Wisconsin Dells ain't Italy. Tourist trap and convenient family vacation, it is. This time Elaine, Ana, and I went with my family. This is the 3rd summer in a row we've gone. We stayed at Kalahari Resort. We'll go back.

Elaine and I day dream about taking a family vacation somewhere with a bit more history than Wisconsin Dells. Someday we will. But we've got a 2 year old daughter. Life is simple when you are 2. Cookies are good, naps are bad. Swimming pools are good, naps are bad. Grandma and Aunt Teresa are good, naps are bad. As such, Ana was in heaven this last weekend. And I began to understand the joy found in watching your child having a good time.

Ana loved the swimming pool, the hotel room, and the buffet full of sweets, and the gift shop full of stuffed animals.

I enjoyed doing nothing, not thinking about work, and drinking a stupid amount of whiskey. But mostly, I enjoyed watching my daughter smile. I'm easy to please.

no reservations

Turns out I'm not the only person who watches No Reservations, my hands down favorite T.V. show.

Calmity Jo from MAWB Squad also enjoys Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations.

For those of you not familar with the best show on T.V, check it out Monday nights at 9 Central on the Travel Channel.

good music

vegan chai posted her list of music artists which she has purchased every album. I figured I might as well do the same. Here's the list:

Counting Crows

That's it. My list of unique whisk(e)y bottles would be longer, but I'll save that for another day.

It's not that I don't love music, its just that I went to college during the rise of napster. Like sex in the 70's, music was free in the late 90's. Too bad record companies got pissed because they weren't making any money. Sourpusses.

I no longer endorse downloading music without compensating the artist. Mostly because I'm afraid of getting sued.

But thanks to the goodness of iTunes, legitimately downloading music is convenient, albeit not free. Yet the ability to download one song from an album beats the hell out of being forced to spend $15.99 for an album with one good song. I'm hoping this phenomenon forces record companies to pressure bands to release good albums rather than just good singles.

There's but a few good albums I can listen to without skipping tracks. They are:
1) Counting Crows, August and Everything After
2) Sarah McLachlan, Mirrorball
3) Indigo Girls, 1000 Curfews
4) Damien Rice, 0
5) Ray LaMontagne, Trouble
6) Ben Harper, The Will To Live
7) Cedar 3, Wishes and Wine
8) David Gray, White Ladder
9) Led Zeppelin, (Untitled)

What's your list?

take him out!

Most of you are probably aware of Pat Robertson's latest proclamation from the pulpit: the United States should "take out" Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez.

If Minnesota's former governor Jesse Ventura had uttered such a phrase, we'd all simply roll our eyes. After all, Jesse has hunted man. However, Pat Robertson speaks for God. And when God starts telling the United States to knock off leaders of nations, its time we take notice.

However, it seems God has reneged on the idea of offing of Mr. Chavez.

This one is too good to pass up. Apparently, 'take him out' means 'take him out for dinner.' Silly us. Brother Pat explains:

I didn't say 'assassination.' I said our special forces should 'take him out.' And 'take him out' can be a number of things, including kidnapping; there are a number of ways to take out a dictator from power besides killing him. I was misinterpreted by the AP [Associated Press], but that happens all the time," Robertson said on "The 700 Club."

Maybe President Bush should use the same "misquoted" defense - "When I said there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, I was misquoted. Weapons of Mass Destruction can mean lots of things. What I meant was that Saddam had a huge library of old porno movies."

Or John Kerry - "When I said I had a plan for America, I was misquoted. 'Plan' can mean many things. I really meant I would say whatever I thought would get me elected."

Or Bill Clinton - "When I said I didn't inhale, I was misquoted. 'Didn't' can mean many things. What I was trying to say was I did not not inhale."

Or George H.W. Bush - "When I said read my lips, I was misquoted. 'Read my lips' is a phrase we use at Yale for 'I'm lying my ass off."

For more proof the internet has everything, click here.

For Brother Pat in his own words, click here.

shitty first drafts

I write to escape.

During the past few months, some of you may have observed my silence. Timbu did, and I'm honoured. My silence is indicative of my confinement. My outpouring of words is a plead for help.

Just kidding. I wrote that last part for drama.

The real truth is that I should learn to prioritize better. Writing is good for me, and I should do it more. It's just that other things impede upon my writing time. Lately, the parasite has been work.

For the most part, I like my job. I'd prefer to spend 40-80 hours a week doing something which benefited society, but let's be realistic. Few people are so lucky. I work because preachin' don't pay. And as far as work goes, I have it good. The bathrooms are clean, the people are nice, and my boss understands there is more to life than work.

Maybe because I want to make sure I maintain gainful employment, I've spent much of the past 6 months working during the time I used to spend writing. My wife works hard during the day, - chasing a 2 year old around while carrying another baby is surely more tiring than anything I'll ever do. She usually goes to bed before I do, and lately the norm has resulted in me getting on the computer and working after she went to bed, hence the lack of writing.

I should be clear-this blog isn't my only outlet. Timbu recently reveled one of my secrets-I'm a seminarian. I write lots of papers. And lately, my papers have sucked. (See above for reasons.)

I write because it feels like exorcism. Demons chase my thoughts. Memories haunt my mind. But the soothing process of assembling verbs and nouns into cognizant reflection chases the demons away and causes those haunting memories to be reborn into a beautiful testament of life. Said differently (and less pretentiously), writing is almost as good as drinking. Both make me relax. Alcohol is faster and requires less effort, but writing protects my liver from unnecessary abuse. Usually, I try to double down and do both at the same time.

In Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott writes that the secret to writing is shitty first drafts. Consider this, and all the things you read on this blog, a shitty first draft. The good news is it can only get better. The truth is that even if the writing is shitty, the meaning remains the same.

-the preacher

more stupid polls

I'm only 42% American. I wonder what the other 58% of me is.....Lebanese I bet.

You Are 42% American

America: You don't love it or want to leave it. But you wouldn't mind giving it an extreme make over. On the 4th of July, you'll fly a freak flag instead... And give Uncle Sam a sucker punch!

How American Are You?

i'm a classic gucci

Timbu is BCBG Leather Clutch. I took the quiz. I'm a classic gucci. So there.

You Are a Classic Gucci Bag You've got style mastered - because you stick with what works Like this Gucci Bag, you prefer classic items that stand the test of time You're also a bit of a practical girl, who prefers function over fluff You prefer a big bag, so that you can have your stuff with you at all times What Kind of Handbag Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

dear mr kerry

previously, i wrote a letter to president bush. It is only fitting john F. kerry should also receive a letter, especially considering my dissatisfaction with both candidates.

Dear Mr. Senator Kerry,

I voted for you once, which means you and Mr Bush are tied; I voted for President Bush in 2000, and have since learned my lesson. Of course, the same could be said for you. I voted for you in 2004, and have since learned my lesson.

"Anyone but Bush." Many who voted for you weren't really voting for you. They were voting against Mr. Bush. I was one of them. I was so dissatisfied with Mr. Bush that I put a sticker with your name on it on my car. Now everyone on the road makes fun of me.

My mother-in-law stopped buying Heinz ketchup thanks to your wife. Do you know how hard it is to eat a hamburger with just mustard?

Recent polls have indicated your opponent's approval ratings are extremely low. In fact, he's the first two term President since WW2 to have an approval rating under 50% at this point in his second term.

Mr. Kerry, you failed to win an election against the weakest incumbent president of my lifetime. You did the impossible: you made Democrats across the nation long for the days of Al Gore.

Before you go off and figure out how to contradict the polling data, let me finish; it gets worse. Mr. Bush's approval ratings for two "swing states" which went for Bush- Ohio: 37%, Florida: 44%. Remember how if you had won Ohio you would have been President? Yet, you were unable to garner 50% of the votes in a state where only one third of the residents approve of your opponent. Well done.

Here's how I break it down: you're not a flipflopper. You're a complete nincompoop. People weren't crazy about Mr. Bush, but at least he was a nincompoop with whom they were familiar. You made the presidential election the equivalent of America going to the movies and being forced to choose between "From Justin To Kelly" or "Gigli." Either choice is going to suck, but one can hope the concession stand sells booze.

Mr. Kerry, please don't run for President again. And pass the word across the aisle to your colleague from NY. History has not been kind to the second President from the same family.

For the 100 worst movies ever made, click here.

comment spam

I seem to have been getting spam in my comments. Write your congressperson.

How do I know it was spam? Today 9 anonymous users wrote "Your blog is sooooooooo interesting," followed with a plea to click on a link. 2 problems: 1) My blog isn't interesting. 2) Current readership of this blog is 4, so 9 comments is impossible.

In an effort to keep the comment section free from male enhancement promises, you will now be required to enter a word verification when you enter a comment. Although I am a comment whore, I hope this does not discourage commenting. I believe this to be a good option - it still allows for comments without having to log into blogger.com.

Let me know how the new system works.

-the preacher

what i'm listening to

Ben Harper. So smooth.

Cedar 3, pictured above, covered one of Ben's songs:

It will make a weak man mighty.
It will make a mighty man fall.
It will fill your heart and hands or leave you with nothing at all.
It's the eyes for the blind and legs for the lame.
It is the love for hate and pride for shame.

Gospel on the water,
Gospel on the land.
The gospel in every woman,
And the gospel in every man.
Gospel in the garden,
Gospel in the trees.
The gospel that's inside of you,
Gospel inside of me.

an open letter to jj

Dear Joshua,

I've decided to call you by your Hebrew name translated into English, rather than your Hebrew name translated to Greek, translated to English. Hope you don't mind. Joshua, son of Joseph - JJ for short.

JJ,

Is there any way you could teach me how to take an oak barrel, fill it with water, and change it to wine? And please don't tell me "add some grapes and yeast and wait a few months."

When you met the infamous unnamed woman at the well, were you hitting on her?

When crazy people throughout the ages have murdered, raped, discriminated, hated, and politicked in your name, do you wish you could take it all back?

Do you still remember what it feels like to be scared?

Do you still remember how it felt to catch your first fish? I remember my first fish. It was a perch. I was scared to take it off the hook. And I wanted to throw it back immediately because I felt bad the fish couldn't breathe.

evil empire

Walmart-the Evil Empire. Nothing says America like putting small business owners out on the street.

But damn, if I don't love Sam's. Nothing says American excess like an 87 gallon bottle of ketchup for $1.87. What am I going to do with all that ketchup? Who cares. It was a deal. Screw the local grocer and their itsy-bitsy normal sized ketchup bottle for $2.05. Nevermind that I'll never consume the Sam's club big bottle of ketchup in my lifetime. I got a deal on it dammit!

Other things I enjoy about Sam's club:
1) Their liquor store. Buying big bottles of liquor does not fall into the same excessive category as buying big bottles of ketchup. Large quantities of liquor I can make sure get consumed before they go bad.

2) Free samples on Saturday.

3) Circling the aisle and taking extra free samples.

4) Cheap diapers.

5) Cheap gas.

6) The person who checks your receipt at the door, but doesn't really check your receipt because there is a line of 400 people waiting to get out.

7) Thick steaks. It should be no surprise that in the store of American excess, the trend continues with excessively large pieces of meat. But I like it. I probably could get better meat at a local butcher, cut thick the way I like it, but once again, I'd be paying more, which is most definitely not the American way.

To be continued...

i just wish I had the time (and $$$)

When I traveled Europe I had to use a guide book. That was but a few years ago. Now, everything you need to know is online. checkout wikiTravel. Very cool.
I just wish they could integrate it with Google Earth.

i love tivo

my new favorite tv show.